We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
