Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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