FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is Oprah even human
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