why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
