did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
