I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize