rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
