Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
