Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
