somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
