i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
