just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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