I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize