I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
