he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
