i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
