I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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