She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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