There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
