i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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