just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize