idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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