i think my tv is drunk
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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