I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
