it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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