you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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