Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
