Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
