i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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