she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
