forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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