I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
