Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
