Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
