Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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