is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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