Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Your penis caused this!
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