Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
