is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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