Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I came so hard my ears popped.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
