You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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