sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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