I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
