I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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