before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
