youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
