your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
