I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
