My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So much rum. So many feels.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
