First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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