the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
