I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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