Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
