He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize