Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize