she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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