how can u be prego again
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
