Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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