its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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