sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So squirting runs in the family.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
