I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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