dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
