Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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