My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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