Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
