Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
