is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
