remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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