I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
