you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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