Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
