I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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