Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
