I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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