The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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