Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize