it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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